LAME OF BONES

Most of the people reading this will know that the 6th series of Game of Thrones has just finished. What a series it was, too. For those of you who haven't caught up with it so far, here is a version of it, which means you won't need to bother watching it. It is almost word for word as the episodes were played out on the TV.

First of all we see Sharsei Lannister in the Haunted Forest beyond The Wall, with a sinister smile as she prepares to stab...well almost anyone else in the show, really.

Before long Daenerys Stormborn rides out of the trees in front of her horde of Dothraki.

Well, this is a low budget version of events, so there is only one more horse. You just have to imagine hordes of big, muscular, smelly, but strangely attractive, half naked, wild savages with huge horses between their legs. (Sharon gave me some advice on what words to use there).

As you know, there are only three dragons left in the 7 kingdoms and this is because people don't keep their dogs on a lead in the Haunted Forest. The dragons do get to burn people alive, so dog owners beware.

The reason I knew what theme to use for this blog was because I noted the writing on the first waymarker we came across! Spooky or what?! For those of you wondering about Jon Snow's fate all I can say is this may or may not be similar to his final marker.

 It may look nice and sylvan here, but remember - Winter is Coming!

The Long Bridge of Volantis is famous for the severed hands of criminals which are hung along some of its length along with notices detailing the crimes committed. Here are some of those criminals who are seen by a number of characters in series 6 such as....

In the Dawn Age of Westeros, before the coming of Man and the raising of Castles and Cities, there were only the Children of the Forest - or at least that is what Bran Stark said before all sorts of things happened in series 6. 

The Children of the Forest, who can be seen here, still worship the Heart Trees found in a number of places in the Godswood, just like this.

These look like the female members of The Faith Militant - protectors of The High Sparrow and tormentors of 1 of the baddest people in the whole show. They wouldn't look so happy if they knew what was coming very, very soon.

At least Septa Jacque looks a little bit worried about what her action might have got her into.

Riverrun - Home of House Tully. We all know what happened to Catelyn Stark at the Red Wedding. Unfortunately, the remaining members of House Tully don't have their troubles to seek in series 6 and some of them display a tendency to make quite terrible errors of judgement.

The dog's grave, should, of course, have an apostrophe. The man with the worst dogs in Westeros is everybody's nightmare Ramsay Bolton. Anyone whose banner is a man flayed of his skin is never going to be in an Enid Blyton Famous Five adventure. Suffice to say the dogs get an outing in series 6. They have very big tongues.

Here is the dog's grave. 

 Could this be the High Sparrow?

He did what, to whom? Why? OMG that must have hurt. You can bet it did. If only this show was conventional and only the bad guys got their come-comeuppance, you could guess who was still alive at the end of the series. Don't worry, in keeping with the veracity of past blogs, all will be revealed at the end.

Long Lake is one of the largest lakes in Westeros and the site of a battle between the Wildlings and the Starks and their allies before series 1. So it is a matter of history and not fact. The Wildlings got over the wall due to the laxity of the Night's Watch. Well there is no laxity in series 6 let me tell you. You won't see the Long Lake either, so here is a photo, so that you know what it looks like.

 This is the route that the Wildling army took before they were defeated by Ned's ancestor, Lord William Stark, who was, ironically, also beheaded at this battle which does not appear at all in series 6, but is of some historical interest. 

 Here we see the Mud Gate where the Battle of Blackwater took place in series 2. You will remember that poor old Stannis thought he was going to defeat the Lannisters and everything would be alright. Well he didn't and it wasn't. Some of the people who survived the battle are in series 6. Some might even make it to the end of the series.

 Not quite the Red Wedding feast, and let me tell you Jimmy bears no real resemblance to Walder Frey, who, in the show, is onto his 8th wife. The only resemblance really is that Walder Frey has a lot of grandchildren, mainly because he has fathered over 100 children. Jimmy has lots of grandchildren too.

You'll see in series 6 episode 1 when Sam, Gilly and her son are waiting for help before the White Walkers arrive, things go horribly wrong. Well this is nothing like that...if it happened at all.

This has the look of the wedding feast where that much misunderstood little turd King Joffrey discovered that he should have got someone to taste his wine first. There is a little harking back to that in series 6, but not in any way you might expect.

The view from the back of Drogon, the dragon that carries Daenerys. He is named after her charming husband Khal Drogo, who you must know is long dead. The name is quite appropriate, because Drogon is larger and more aggressive than the other dragons. It is no real surprise that Drogon gets some air time in series 6.

 This is a Sundew, which is a carnivorous plant. You will not be surprised to learn that there is all sorts carnivorous behaviour in series 6. None of it involves plants, but it wasn't very pleasant for at least one quite long standing cast member. 

 Dave has never seen Game of Thrones and here is Sharon trying to bring him up to date at the dog's grave. Unfortunately he doesn't realise it is really Sharsei (or is it Cersei) Lannister and she doesn't have a good reputation for telling the truth, but she does have a good reputation for not turning the other cheek. She maintains all of these lovable characteristics in series 6. With Spades. 

 The ruins of one of the Noble Houses as seen towards the end of series 6. I won't tell you which one, because some of you may become distraught. 

  

 Many thanks to Lord and Lady Baldwin for arranging this fantastical walk and for sorting out the Red Wedding substitute at Tomich Tea Room. 

I think we all had a fabulous time - except for those of us that didn't survive series 6.