VALENTINE'S DAY NON-WALK.

Well, here we go - another month without a Dinosaur walk. Not only that, it is the month of Valentine's Day - love and romance is everywhere.

You might think the dinosaurs are too old and, so, immune to that kind of stuff.

Well, you would be so wrong. I have trawled through some old photos and found a treasure trove of sloppiness, risque-ness (which probably isn't a real word), rudeness, romance and love. The photos have imported into the blog in a random order, so there is no coherent story - nothing new there.

So, read and be amazed at just how romantic we all are and have been.

This is where it all starts - the Garden of Eden and a couple of Eves, plucking the luscious, forbidden fruit from the tree of good and evil.

We men have learned over the years never to trust a temptress - they are all on the lookout for just the one thing - and the bigger the better, it would seem for Janet.

Some women have been known to resort to a bit of cupboard love to find the way to a poor man's heart.

Of course, love comes in many guises and can be enjoyed in many ways as this quote from the Glenlivet Seer reminds us. Not too sure about the solitary pleasure, though.

As I said - many guises. The spectators are clearly scandalised. You need to be careful about how and where you indulge in such louche behaviour

Because.......

Of course, temptation can come in the most unexpected places.

Love can make you so happy, that you will even dance in the open air!

If you approach romance with an open heart, mind and hands, you never know what might come your way....

You might even get someone with a wooden heart.

You could get someone who will be able to help you hobble through life.

A little bit of mutual support is always a good idea.

But, don't count your chickens before they are hatched - love can be a bit fickle.

Women may want to inspect the goods before they commit.

We all know that life can be a beach.

We also know that, despite Showaddywaddy's protestations, there are more than three steps to heaven.

Any deal should be sealed with kiss - x.

There is a lot I could say about this - male hens come in all colours and shapes - but I will resist.

There is much joy to be gained from whispering sweet nothings into the nearest ear you find.

Of course, some people take a more direct approach!

I'm told that positioning is everything, as is wearing the right equipment.

Including nappies, in some instances.

Nappies or not, you shouldn't make an ass of yourself over love.

And, chaps, don't forget that old dictum be vigilant about who you marry - they may turn into their granny, so look carefully before you leap.

Even if you are careful, Cupid may just catch you unawares.

You can keep your relationships fresh by following my rule of thumb and keep smiling.

A little drink can also loosen your inhibitions - or your marbles.

Be careful with the little drinks, though. Before you know it you might need to look out for swingers!

You are much safer with a good old knees up.

Or, even safer with a simple kiss on the hand, which normally saves any kind of misunderstanding.

It also helps to attract a mate if you make a bit of an effort with your appearance.

Like birds of paradise, don't try to capture too many mates at the one time - that way madness and exhaustion lie.

Much better to build a cosy little nest.

I can't repeat often enough the advice about sending dodgy photos over the internet.

If you must do that sort of thing, much better to do it in a group and from a distance.

You just never know what delights you might come across.

Sometimes, romance can take you unawares.

Or, even just when you are sitting minding your own business, flicking through dodgy magazines.

Dogging is not to be recommended, but what you might do with a lead in your own time is a different matter.

Which brings me neatly on to spanking - another thing best kept behind closed doors.

As is dressing up!

The thing is, men never know what will a tractor.

Or even, what will break the ice.

Sometimes, we just don't have the foggiest idea.

We just know that we digger.

The other thing to remember about looking for romance and wooing a girl is - never sit on the fence.

A sofa is a much better place to snuggle up.

Wooing is also better under the light of the moon.

Sometimes it pays to get a friend to help you look your best before trying to woo a girl.

Especially one with big lenses.

Two's company.

Three's a crowd.

Four would suggest he might be in trouble.

Never underestimate the attraction of a uniform!

When engaging in romance it always pays to follow the instructions.

Otherwise, there may be unforeseen consequences.

Sometimes a bit of romantic singing or music will melt even the stoniest of hearts.

There is a golden rule among men that comparisons of personal attributes can be seriously invidious and should be avoided, no matter how funny some people might find them.

What did I say about dodgy photos on the phone?

Another golden rule - don't go fishing for compliments.

You just never know what other people are really thinking of you.

It is also worth never saying you are too tired.

You shouldn't overdo these simple matters of the heart.

Overexaggerating what you have to bring to the party is never likely to be a good idea, either.

Honesty really is the best policy.

You should never let politics get in the way of a lovely romance.

Nor should you pretend you're an oil painting.

Making comparisons of your love to another, albeit interesting, woman is likely to land you up to your neck in it.

If you are of a certain age there's nothing wrong with a bit of winching.

One of these is bound to be the other bird that is not a cormorant.

A lot more than 3 is a crowd - 7 is an orgy.

No wonder he is tired out.

Sometimes a wee bag of sweeties is enough to turn the head of some women.

Or, as you get older a cup of tea is just the thing.

Just don't be too gushing.

That's not really what women are looking for.

It can be a real turn off.

Sometimes your partner will not tell you what the problem is, you have to guess, there is not always a helpful sign.

Get it wrong and you will know all about it....

...Bull of the Glen or not.

For demure ladies who wish to ensnare a gentleman, it pays to exaggerate your charms.

Wearing rose tinted specs or gin goggles is never a good start to a romance.

Most women are just looking for a Romeo.

Always beware of matchmakers....

.....there is usually a catch further along the line.

Never forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Prim and proper wins the day - aye right.

You can never underestimate the value of a candlelit dinner to a romantic liaison, as long as you can get out of the door without any help from the wall.

Finally, you should always remember that---