THE DAM OCTOBER WALK

The October walk was organised by Pam and Hugh - when I say organised - I mean that very loosely - as you will see as this story unfolds! It was a walk around Tor Achilty, at Contin. Whilst the weather did not look too promising it turned out just fine and we did not get wet, which is always a good thing. We met up in the car park of the wee shop at Contin - it must have seemed like rush hour, what with our three cars and a couple of buses. It was a bit wet then, but we decided to press ahead and left the shop to go to the car park on the Loch Achilty road. Here we are getting ready to set off.

You will notice an odd face in the photo - this is Sandra, Sharon's sister. She and her husband Chris had made the mistake of coming to see us for the weekend and got dragged along on the walk. They clearly thought we knew what we were doing, what with the rucksacks, boots and poles and all. That notion would soon be dispelled.

Before we left the car park, I took this nice snap of the autumn trees and water - nice.

Before we set off, there was an omen from above. A leaf fell on Hugh's head - but he did not feel it! He spoke to us all about the walk, without knowing that he looked like an elf from the magic wood, so nobody took him seriously at all - but then.............

Soon we were down by the riverside, which was very pretty.

It was obviously pretty smart, because someone commented on my dress sense matching the location. I make no comment on this as it would be unwise of me to say too much about such obvious sartorial brilliance.

Soon we started climbing gently away from the river. This is Dave - Sandra's husband and Chris, Sandra's husband. I was privileged to overhear their conversation.

" My Sandra is wonderful - I really adore her"

"Well mine is a witch - I can do nothing right - my life is a nightmare"

Unfortunately I was looking uphill, so I couldn't say which one said what.

Soon we emerged from some trees to get a nice view over Loch Achonnachie where the girls put their best feet forward - although the co-ordination would not have won any prizes on Strictly!

Soon we were into the woods. Chris's Sandra said " I will just bend down for that nice Neil Black - even though he is not here" That got the girls laughing - if only they knew the seedy truth.

The woods became a little more dense and the path became a little less distinct - this is it - allegedly!

Things went downhill from here on in.

There is a Yeti!

Once we scrambled, tripped and fell to the bottom of the slope we found a death slide - oh what fun!

I can only say that this was one of the least edifying, elegant and demure things that I have ever done - by now it was clear that Hugh and Pam had not actually recce'd the route before we started. Or maybe they had and this is why they looked so self-satisfied after we had all done the slide of the broken arsed.

After we got past the damn dam, we noticed this sign. Shortly afterwards it was clear that mice cannot read.

Bob had to go and spend a penny in the trees. When he emerged, Maureen innocently asked if he had been sucked away by the fairies. It took Sharon and a slowly understanding Maureen half an hour to stop giggling.

After we recovered from that, we saw this bit of wood. It was variously described as an eagle, a lizard or a dinosaur - make up your own mind - unless you are married to a woman, in which case your mind will have already been made up for you.

Soon it was time for lunch and we decided to go up a little hill to sit under the trees - and here is an artistic shot between the limbs.

Here we are all having lunch - have you noticed that this is the first time we have seen the the Sandras with their respective husbands?

After lunch a bit of culture - this is one of the Turner Prize exhibits.

Things then got a bit hairy - we had to cross a field with lots of cows. One or two of us were very uncomfortable with this - weren't we Pam? It was noticeable that we all got a little closer together - although we did say that if the cows had stampeded, we would have pushed Pam out and then run away - I didn't say that myself - I would have been much more chivalrous, I think.

Soon we were back in Contin, where we spotted the local bangin' nightlife spot.

Then walking back along the Loch Achilty road after the disco, Dave was spotted whispering sweet nothings to one of the local beauties.

A nice tree!

Finally we made it to the Riverside Tavern in Conon Bridge, which was very pleasant.

A very good walk, despite the lack of path and the real danger of a ripped trouser arse on the death slide. I think we only picked up three ticks bertween the two of us, but it was fun looking for more. Thanks to Hugh and Pam and everyone else for a great walk.

NETHYBRIDGE FOREST

The September walk was one that had been postponed from earlier in the year due to poor weather. This was around the Nethybridge Forest and very good it was too. A small, but select, group met at the Nethy Village Hall and then set off up the river towards the forest. Almost immediately we came across a couple of squirrels at a feeding station. There was a strange contraption that looked like it was for nailing the squirrels to, but it seems to really have been for feeding them. Here is one of the squirrels snapped in a most professional way!

Soon we were among the Scots Pine and the weather was getting a bit warmer and very pleasant to walk in as you can see.

Many of the trees were magnificent.

The bracken was also just on the turn, bringing a warm glow of golden brown to suffuse the sylvan scene. Did you notice the alliteration in there - eh? I can wax a bit lyrical if I want to, you know.

Eventually we came across some very strange little dwellings in the forest. There were a few theories about who might live in these. Beavers was one suggestion, but the lack of water and an attack of decorum squashed that idea - which wasn't that serious to begin with. Hobbits was another and then it started to get out of hand and we agreed that it probably was where Jim Smith went on a full moon.

Eventually, we got to a clearing where a number of paths met and we came across a Duke of Edinburgh instructor who appeared not only to have lost himself, but also to have lost the party of young people he was supposed to be meeting! We put him right, then settled down for tea and a snack - you could tell that Dave wasn't with us as he would never have allowed such indolence.

On we went, suitably fortified, to go a little uphill and to get some very nice views.

Soon, however, it was time for lunch and we sat on a pile of stones, taking in the view and admiring the tenacity of the blasted Rowan tree nearby.

Here is the Rowan tree.

And here is the view.

And here is Ann looking at the view.

This is us all having lunch and very pleasant it was - a lovely spot.

After lunch we began to wend our way back round towards the cars and a welcoming pint!

But not before we came across even more nature. This time a large ant's nest - very industrious they were too. It is difficult to tell from here, but there were millions of the little blighters working away - which is more than can be said for most of the dinosaurs who are becoming increasingly retired - a burden on the rest of society, flaunting their bus passes in front of the few remaining wage slaves, getting discounts on things - I could go on, but I need a cup of tea.

Then it was on to the Boat Hotel for a very pleasant pint - although some people did have some very big biscuits as well. Thanks to Neil and Ann for arranging the walk. Full of nature - Granny Pines, Granny Maureen, ants, beavers, hobbits....

LOSSIEMOUTH TO KINGSTON.

Another coastal walk for August. This time we went from Lossiemouth to Kingston - a fair distance but a good walk with lots of interest. It could have been shorter, but for some fairly sadistic parking that required us to go further than was absolutely necessary! Not that I am complaining, but my feet are still sore!

As this was a one way walk, most of the men left to sort out the cars whilst I was left alone with four women - a sort of dream, but not quite! In any event there is a canal next to the car park where we were left. There is also a helpful interpretive board that tells you all about the canal, which is not really a canal, but a drainage system designed by Thomas Telford to drain the Spynie Loch. As I spent a little while absorbing all this history and engineering, the gang of four decided to leave without telling me. I turned round to let them know what it was all about and they had gone. Given they have a collective age of over 200 I soon guessed where they were and headed for the public toilets - and sure enough, that's where I found them. Below is a photograph of the really interesting sluices that controlled the tide and prevented upstream flooding.

And here are the ladies at the ladies.

Soon we were joined by the rest of the group and we had to cross the river to get to the beach. Given the sign below we decided to take the bridge - which was very picturesque.

This is some of us crossing the bridge.

Soon we were on the other side and on to the glorious beach with hardly anyone else there with us. Although it was a Sunday morning it was clear that some of us had taken strong drink the night before - as you can see from the attempts to walk in a straight line.



Some nice photos of the beach - and as you can see the weather was getting nicer and warmer - always a cue for some dodgy apparel to make an appearance and this time was no exception.

Once we got off the beach the shorts appeared along with the obligatory white knees. I don't recall any white socks and sandals, though. However, it was to get much worse!

This is Susan showing us the ventilation slits in her trousers - at least, that is what I think she said.

Soon after that we all had to sit down!

After lunch we took in some urban art just to show that we are not just a bunch of backwoods hillbillies with no concept of modern trendy things - although I thought the guy was called Banksy - perhaps he changed his name due to the financial crisis!

From the art gallery we moved on to the shooting gallery, which is still used for target practice today. This is me inside one of the buildings waiting on everyone to leave so that I could use the facilities.

As you might expect, there were signs telling people to be careful and remember that this was a rifle range where you were supposed to be sensible.

Here is one of the signs.

Here are Jim and Robin ignoring the sign.

Here is Susan telling Maureen and Sandra exactly what she is going to do to Robin when she gets him home - and I suspect it didn't involve the ventilation slits!

Jacque just told Jim to walk on his own and not to come back until he could behave himself.

Finally we made our way back to the cars and the chance of a welcome seat. However, we came across this sign - which came as a shock to Mac, who didn't realise that Janet had a hidden career as a property speculator.

Another great walk on a great day - thanks to Mac and Janet for organising it as well as ensuring that the weather was so good. Just in case anybody missed it, I was the only one who did not have a big sticky cake in the tearoom in Lossiemouth afterwards.